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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836281">I had a dream our shared experience was tangible</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepper_407/pseuds/pepper_407'>pepper_407</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The OC (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, Nightmares, Trans Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:46:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,200</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepper_407/pseuds/pepper_407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taylor has nightmares and insecurites and is on her way to letting Ryan really be there for her<br/>from the prompt, "Jolting awake after a nightmare and being comforted"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ryan Atwood/Taylor Townsend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I had a dream our shared experience was tangible</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is set sometimes before they say "I love you"<br/>I'm taking writing requests on my tumblr @aceemilythorne if u want to do that<br/>the title is from almost know your name by nana grizol which imo is such a taylor and taylor/ryan song</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>"You're not good enough, as if anyone will think of you as anything other than the silly little boy you are and as your mother it's my job to put you in your place"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Taylor jolts awake feelings smaller than she has in a while, nightmares about her mum are not as rare as they should be, she hates that she can't get her sleeping mind to repress the shit that her awake mind does a pretty solid job of. It takes her a few minutes to realise that she's not at home and it does calm her but then she realises that that means she's in the pool house with Ryan, with this guy who she yes, loves, even though even in her mind she knows it's too early to say it. She's with him and he knows and he cares about her and has trusted her with his disinterest in sex just like she has told him about the reason she has these nightmares, but she definitely has not told him that they, the nightmares themselves exist. Because he has nightmares too and how could he not, he has been through so much, a lot Taylor herself doesn't know about but she knows that there's much more than she could possibly know or understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she realises that even though she's in the bed that they both fell asleep in, she's the only one here now and doesn't know why. She expected him to be here sleeping and hopefully, she could either just lie here and enjoy his warmth or very maybe find a way to fall back to sleep, it does help with someone else in the bed with her. Maybe it's actually five am or so and just dark and Ryan has gotten up to go watch the waves like he sometimes does or maybe it's still the time the clock on the bedside table is showing and he's using the bathroom or sleepwalking or doing a number of things because this is his house and Taylor is just a dumb girl who still has nightmares about her mother. God, she's an adult she shouldn't be having nightmares about things that were said to her when she was eight (and nine and ten and eleven, etc).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Taylor" a voice pulls her from her thoughts as she sees that Ryan is now in the room, with two cups of tea, looking at her in a way that makes her want to confess everything she has ever wanted to say to him, good and bad (and by bad she means the stuff that he could no way reciprocate, not yet, not when it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Taylor, you in there?" he sits down on the bed placing one cup of tea in her hands and lightly taps the side of her head, and she wills her brain to stay in the moment, even though she's not completely certain what is actually happening in this moment</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh yeah, sorry if I woke you up"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's no issue, I've woken you up a few times myself"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she does is give him a look that to her means that he woke her up for completely valid reasons but her's was dumb and pathetic</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Plus it's never a bad time to have your tea"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's when she realises that she has been given a cup of the tea that she gave him for his sleep issues and all at once Taylor feels so loved that she can't stand it, "Thank you Ryan"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not an issue"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ah alrighty then"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you, uh, do you maybe want to talk about it? And yes I understand I'm being a hypocrite here because I don't talk about my shit but still if you want to talk I'm here"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing is Taylor does, she does want to talk about it, she wants dumb reassurances that she's a girl and that her mother is a bad person for not loving her but she can't quite get the words out so she just shakes her head and focuses on the tea</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's fair but maybe I want to talk"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course Ryan, you can always talk to me" God she feels needy, but also really flattered that he wants to open up to her more</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to be nosy but I also feel like I should tell you that you did mutter a few words before you woke up, that's why I was already getting the tea"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh god"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was nothing bad"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah it wasn't a big deal or anything, nothing too bad"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's, that's not what I-" he gives Taylor a once over and she can see him figure </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> out, "you know that parental issues or other things you might be thinking are small are actually important, especially if they are hurting you"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing is Taylor does know that they are important to and for her, but this is Ryan and she doesn't know how important they would be to him, and she feels like an asshole when she thinks about it that way though so she decides to throw all of her fucking cautions to the wind, "I had a bad dream that was a memory that I had kinda repressed from when I was younger"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you wanna talk more about it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It wasn't anything that different than her usual stuff, I had just forgotten that exact memory and how much it hurt at the time, I was eight and my mum was just saying the usual transphobic shit but it was when I was pretty young so it was even worse than it is now because I was still trying to convince myself I wasn't crazy"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck, Taylor"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that much" and she really hadn't, it had all just kind of came tumbling out once she decided that she could probably tell him a little bit</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I didn't mean, fuck,  you sound crazy or anything, I meant fuck, I hate your mum and I'm sorry that you gave to deal with her not just now still but all the memories from your childhood, that's a double fucker"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think that's the longest sentence I've ever heard you say"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's not impossible, I guess I just get riled up when I think about someone hurting you"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, ditto"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan gives her this look, one that shows he knows exactly what she's thinking even though she only said a few words, "Except right now we are talking about you"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's really not a big deal"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course it is, it's the biggest deal in the world"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the way he says it, well, it makes her feel like he means it and the way he's looking at her, it fucks her up a bit, she's not used to this kind of love (don't call it love) (it's love)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well maybe I'm getting a little tired again, this tea really does work wonders"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then her wonderful boyfriend does this thing where he doesn't say anything, just lies back down, ready to be her big spoon for however long it takes for one of them to fall asleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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